A Hard Day's Night
1. EXTERIOR STREETS OUTSIDE RAILWAY TERMINAL DAY
The film opens with crowds of girls, shot in a sequence of CLOSE-UPS,
chasing after GEORGE, JOHN and RINGO. The boys hare off just ahead of
them. They take a turn down a back alley way and the crowds of
screaming girls are after them.
2. EXT. TERMINAL
They rush on through the narrow cobbled passageway and into the main
station, quickly show their tickets at the barrier for the London
train, and get onto the platform as hordes of yelling and screaming
girls reach the closed gates.
3. EXT. TERMINAL PLATFORM
We see the fans rushing to the few platform ticket machines, and
endless pennies being dropped and tickets torn out in their haste to
get onto the platform to see the boys.
NORM has been waiting for the boys and he hurries them to where all
their baggage, instruments and the drums are waiting, piled up to be
put into the guards' van. The boys turn and see the oncoming stream of
girls pushing through the barriers and descending on them with yells
and shouts. They grab their instruments, RINGO makes for the drums.
NORM plugs into a handy transformer and using their instruments like a
gun volley to stop the onrush of females, the boys blast fire into a
number and start to sing. This stops the girls in their tracks and they
settle down on whatever they can to listen to them playing.
As the boys are playing, we CUT BACK into the crowds. In the centre we
see PAUL struggling and pulling to fight his way through the girls to
join the other boys. He is dragging a very reluctant old man behind
him. The old man seems most disgruntled and we can see by his gestures
how unwilling he is to be pulled and pushed forward through all the
At last PAUL reaches the other boys. He sits the old man down on a pile
of cases and joins in the number to the squeals of delight from the
fans. The old man sits aloof and proud ignoring the whole proceedings.
JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO look enquiringly at PAUL who gives a
noncommittal shrug of the shoulders as if to say, "it's not my fault"
and the number proceeds.
SHOT of sudden horror on JOHN's face. PAUL follows his eye line only to
see the old man has doffed his cap and is busily collecting money from
a disconcerted crowd. PAUL dives hastily into the crowd, and with
suitable apologies extracts the old man and with a long suffering sigh
drags him back to the group. GEORGE and PAUL hold him firmly as they
finish the number, the old man standing there between them.
As the number finishes and the girls scream and shout with delight, the
guard blows his whistle. NORM and SHAKE grab the instruments and the
drums, and with the rest piles the lot into the guards' van. The BOYS
head into their reserved compartment pursued by the fans but the train
moves off. They have successfully repelled all extra boarders.
THE BOYS stand and wave to the fans until out of sight line ... the
girls running along to the end of the platform waving and calling out.
4. INTERIOR RESERVED COMPARTMENT IN THE TRAIN
The boys relax, sitting down on one side of the compartment. They are
about to settle down and make themselves at home when first RINGO
nudges GEORGE who in turn nudges JOHN. Opposite them is sitting the
LITTLE OLD MAN. He is holding himself stiff, erect and very aloof.
The three boys look at him enquiringly but with an elaborate sniff he
looks away from them and out of the window.
PAUL catches his eye and winks at the LITTLE OLD MAN. He winks back at
PAUL, scowls at the other three then looks firmly out of the window
The boys turn on PAUL crowding around him.
Eh ... pardon me for asking but who's that
little old man?
What little old man?
That little old man.
Oh, that one. That's me Grandfather.
That's not your Grandfather.
It is, y'know.
But your Grandfather lives in your house. I've
Oh, that's me other Grandfather, but this one's
me Grandfather and all.
How d'you reckon that one out?
Well ... everyone's entitled to two, aren't
they, and this is me other one.
Well we know that but what's he doing here?
Well, me mother thought the trip 'ud do him
Oh ... he's nursing a broken heart.
The lads all look intently at the GRANDFATHER.
Aah ... the poor old thing.
He leans across to GRANDFATHER.
Eh, Mister... are you nursing a broken heart
The GRANDFATHER nods soulfully glares at him, in a way that indicates
You see, he was going to get married but she
threw him over for a butcher.
Yeah, she was fickle.
Aye and fond of fresh meat and all.
No ... it was his sweetbreads. She was dead
kinky for sweetbreads. Anyroad, me mother
thought it'ud give him a change of scenery,
Oh, I see.
He inspects GRANDFATHER carefully.
Eh, he's a nice old man, isn't he?
Oh yeah, he's very clean, y'know.
They all agree with PAUL.
JOHN has been examining GRANDFATHER. He now leans forward to him.
(in an over-friendly voice)
He can talk then?
Course he can talk. He's a human being, like.
Well ... if he's your Grandfather, who knows?
The lads all laugh.
And we're looking after him, are we?
I'll look after meself.
Aye, that's what I'm afraid of!
He's got you worried, then?
Him, he costs you a fortune in breach of
promise cases. He's a villain and a right mixer
No, straight up.
The lad's given you the simple truth. I'm
cursed wid irresistible charm, I'm too
attractive to be let loose.
At this moment, SHAKE, a tall man who works with the BOYS, pulls open
the door of the compartment.
You got on all right then?
We're here. Norm'll be along in a mo' with the
He sees GRANDFATHER.
Who's that little old man?
It's Paul's grandfather.
Oh aye, but I thought ...
No, that's his other one.
That's all right then.
Clean though, isn't he?
Oh yes, he's clean all right.
NORM the road manager appears behind SHAKE.
Morning ... Hi, Norm.
(checking them quickly)
Well, thank God you're all got here. Now,
listen, I've had this marvellous idea ...
now just for a change, let's all behave like
ordinary responsible citizens. Let's not cause
any trouble, pull any strokes or do anything
I'm going to be sorry for, especially
tomorrow at the television theatre,
He looks sharply at JOHN who is polishing his nails.
Are you listening to me, Lennon?
You're a swine, isn't he George?
Yeah ... a swine.
(just as indifferent)
He sees the GRANDFATHER.
Eh ... .
BOYS IN CHORUS
... Who's that little old man?
Well, who is he?
He belongs to Paul.
(accepting the situation)
Ah well, there you go. Look, I'm going down the
diner for a cup of coffee, are you coming?
We'll follow you down.
I want me coffee.
He can come with Shake and me if you like.
Well, look after him. I don't want to find
you've lost him.
Don't be cheeky, I'll bind him to me with
promises. Come on, Grandad.
GRANDFATHER joins SHAKE and NORM.
(over Grandfather's head)
He's very clean, isn't he?
SHAKE and NORM collect GRANDFATHER and are in the process of leaving
the compartment when a fat upper class city Englishman, JOHNSON,
attempts to enter. There is a bit of confusion and they get tangled up
with each other.
Make up your minds, will you!
At last SHAKE, NORM and GRANDFATHER sort themselves out and JOHNSON
enters with his case. The other three go to coffee.
JOHNSON puts his case up on the luggage rack, then sits down. All his
movements are disgruntled ... he finally picks up his copy of the
Financial Times and burying himself behind it, starts to read. After a
moment he looks up, notices the compartment window is open. He gets up
and without so much as a "by your leave" he closes it, glares at the
BOYS and sits down again.
The boys exchange looks as if to say ... "Hello, Saucy!!"
Do you mind if we have it opened?
Yes, I do.
Yeah, but there are four of us, like, and we'd
like it open, if it's all the same to you, that
Well, it isn't. I travel on this train
regularly twice a week, so I suppose I've some
Aye, well, so have we.
He disappears behind his paper before the BOYS can say another word.
RINGO pulls a face at the raised paper and switches on his portable
radio. A pop number is playing.
JOHNSON puts down his paper firmly.
And we'll have that thing off as well, thank
But I ...
JOHNSON leans over and switches it off.
An elementary knowledge of the Railway Acts
would tell you I'm perfectly within my rights.
He smiles frostily.
Yeah, but we want to hear it and there's more
of us than you. We're a community, like, a
majority vote. Up the workers and all that
Then I suggest you take that damned thing into
the corridor or some other part of the train
where you obviously belong.
(leaning forward to him)
Gie's a kiss!
Shurrup! Look, Mister, we've paid for our seats
too, you know.
I travel on this train regularly, twice a week.
Knock it off, Paul, y' can't win with his sort.
After all, it's his train, isn't it, Mister?
And don't you take that tone with me, young
I fought the war for your sort.
Bet you're sorry you won!
I'll call the guard!
Aye ... but what? They don't take kindly to
insults you know. Ah, come on, you lot. Let's
get a cup of coffee and leave Toby the manger.
The boys troop out of the door into the corridor. JOHNSON smiles
triumphantly. He is about to settle down to his paper when there is a
tap on the corridor window. He looks up and we see pressed against the
window a collection of hideous Beatle faces.
Eh, Mister ... can we have our ball back!
The man jumps to his feet.
5. INTERIOR OF THE CORRIDOR
The boys run away like a pack of school boys and disappear round the
6. INTERIOR OF THE TRAIN CORRIDOR
From the P.O.V. of the door leading to the restaurant car.
The boys come down the corridor in full flight, laughing away like
happy idiots. GEORGE and PAUL pull open the sliding doors. The boys
7. INTERIOR RESTAURANT CAR
From their P.O.V. we see the car is half empty and at a table in the
centre SHAKE and NORM and GRANDFATHER are sitting. On the table is a
pile of photos of the boys. NORM and SHAKE are arguing. NORM is being
very aggressive, much to SHAKE's discomfort.
Yeah, you want to watch it.
It's not my fault.
Well, you stick to that story, son.
I can't help it, I'm just taller than you.
(To NORM slyly)
They always say that.
Yeah, well I got me eye on you.
I'm sorry Norm, but I can't help being taller
Well, you don't have to rub me nose in it. I've
a good mind to ...
(he is about to thump SHAKE.)
If you're going to have a barney I'll hold
He started it.
No, I didn't you did ...
Well, what happened?
The old fella wanted these pictures and Norm
said he couldn't have 'em, all I said was
'aw go on, be big about it.'
Your Grandfather pointed out Shake was always
being taller than me just to spite me.
I knew it, he started it, I should have known.
You two have never had a quarrel in your life
and in two minutes flat he's got you at it.
He's a king mixer. Adam and Eve, meet the
serpent. Anthony and Cleopatra, there's your
asp. Divide and Conquer, that's this one's
motto. He hates group unity so he gets
everyone at it.
The BOYS, i.e., JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO, look at each other then at
Aye and we'll have to watch it and all.
I suggest you just give him the photos and have
done with it.
You're right. Here you are, old devil.
SHAKE and NORM leave. GRANDFATHER grins triumphantly and collects them,
then with a sweet smile he turns to PAUL.
Would you ever sign this one for us, Pauly?
PAUL does so automatically but in the middle of signing he gets
suspicious. GRANDFATHER smiles at him charmingly so PAUL finishes
Come on let's get this coffee.
Before you go, I think it's only fair to warn
you about me Grandson ... don't let our Paul
have his own way all the time, 'cos if you do
he won't respect you!
JOHN, RINGO and GEORGE take this up straight away. They all pretend to
be girls, RINGO jumps into PAUL's arms.
Oh, Paul, you can't have your own way!!!
(invitingly, in a Marlene Dietrich
If I let you have your own way, you little
rascal, will you respect me?
I'll murder you, Grandfather!
JOHN waltzes PAUL down to an empty table and the lads sit down.
Eh, look at that talent.
They all gaze across the aisle. From their P.O.V. we see two very
attractive young girls, RITA and JEAN, having coffee.
Give 'em a pull.
Aye, but don't rush. None of your five bar gate
jumps and over sort of stuff.
Now what's that supposed to mean?
I don't really know, but it sounded
distinguished, like, didn't it?
George Harrison, The Scouse of Distinction.
We follow PAUL as he crosses over to the two girls. He places a bowler
on his head.
(in posh accent)
Excuse me, but these young men I'm sitting with
wondered if two of us could join you; I'd ask
you meself only I'm shy.
The two girls giggle together.
JOHN and GEORGE are about to move over when GRANDFATHER suddenly
appears by their sides.
I'm sorry, miss, but you mustn't fraternise
with my prisoners.
Convicts in transit to Wormwood Scrubs. Typical
old lags, the lot of 'em.
Quiet, you lot, or I'll give you a touch of me
(He points at Ringo)
That little one's the worst. If we don't keep
him on tablets he has fits.
Now look here!!
GRANDFATHER grabs two lumps of sugar from the table and forces them
into RINGO'S mouth.
Get out while you can, ladies, his time's
coming round for one of his turns.
The frightened girls scurry out of the restaurant car. The boys look in
amazement and horror at GRANDFATHER. They are completely flabbergasted.
GRANDFATHER smiles at them benignly.
8. INTERIOR OF RAILWAY COMPARTMENT
SHAKE and NORM are seated. SHAKE is buried in a science fiction book.
NORM looks at his watch, slightly worried.
He's been gone a long time.
(without looking up)
Oh, I didn't notice, where'd he go?
Down the ... er ...
Oh, down the ... er ...?
Yeah, down the ... er ...
Well, give a couple of minutes ...
He resumes reading. But NORM goes on worrying.
9. INTERIOR OF ANOTHER RAILWAY COMPARTMENT
Grandfather is in full flight of conversation with a charming elderly
lady, AUDREY, who is listening intently.
Yes, I'm their manager, I discovered them.
Did you indeed, Mr. McCartney?
Now, Audrey, I told you, the name's John. We
show biz people are a friendly lot.
Of course, John.
Yes, they were playing the queues outside the
picture palaces of Liverpool. Scruffy young
lads, lacking even the price of a jam roll.
Orphans, every Paddy's son of 'em. I saw
their potential at once although I had me
doubts about the little fella, a savage
primitive, that Ringo, but it was him what
gave in first. He picked up a brick and
heaved it at me and I quelled him wid one
fierce flash of me eyes. "Mister, can you
spare us a copper?" he said. I was disarmed by
the grubby little outstretched mauler ... So, I
took them under me managerial banner.
The usual ten per cent?
Oh, not at all, I let them have twenty-five;
sure aren't there four of them?
(her eyes lighting up)
How fascinating. Do go on ...
... Oh, I'm all heart, Ma'am, all heart ...
Well, I let ...
10. INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN
NORM and SHAKE meet with the BOYS as they are returning from coffee.
Eh, have you got Paul's grandfather?
Of course, he's concealed about me person.
No ... he's must have slipped off somewhere.
Have you lost him?
You've lost him.
Put it this way, he's mislaid him.
You can't trust you with anything, Norm, if
you've lost him, I'll cripple you.
He can't be far.
I hope he fell off.
Don't be callous.
He doesn't like me, honest, I can tell ... It's
'cos I'm little.
You've got an inferiority complex, you have.
Yeah, I know, that's why I took up the drums.
It's me active compensatory factor.
JOHN and PAUL run down the corridor. SHAKE and NORM turn from the door
and go in the opposite direction, GEORGE and RINGO follow after the
other two boys.
11. INTERIOR CORRIDOR OF TRAIN
PAUL and JOHN look into various compartments. CLOSE SHOT of RINGO
looking into compartments in the manner of Groucho Marx. In one of the
compartments we see from RINGO'S P.O.V. the occupant, a glamorous
woman, TANIA, with a small lap dog.
She is beautifully and most expensively dressed. She looks up and sees
RINGO smiles at her and she smiles back. She then beckons him to join
He looks around to see if she means someone else. She nods a negative.
RINGO looks back enquiringly then points at himself as if to say: "Who,
TANIA smiles enthusiastically.
GEORGE has been watching all this.
Are you going in?
No, she'll only reject me in the end and I'll
You never know, you might be lucky this time.
No, I know the psychological pattern and it
plays hell with me drum skins.
He blows the glamorous lady a kiss, then moves sadly on.
12. INTERIOR FURTHER DOWN THE CORRIDOR
PAUL enters a compartment followed by JOHN. The TWO GIRLS, RITA and
JEAN, from the restaurant car are sitting there.
Excuse me but have you seen that little old
man we were with?
The girls jump up, surprised.
We've broken out, oh, the blessed freedom of it
(he extends his hands
as if handcuffed)
Eh, have you got a nail file, these handcuffs
are killing me. I was framed. I was innocent.
Will you stop it! Sorry to disturb you, miss...
He starts to drag JOHN after him.
I was innocent. I was framed. I won't go back.
JOHN is now by the door; he leers at the girls horribly.
I bet you can guess what I was in for.
He cackles like a maniac before disappearing, the door closing after
A waiter carrying a tray with champagne and glasses on it passes into
one of the compartments with the blinds down.
How about that one?
He moves towards the compartment.
(to Ringo and George)
Did you look in here?
No. I mean, it's probably a honeymoon couple or
a company director or something.
Well, let's broaden our outlook.
PAUL opens the door of the compartment.
13. INTERIOR OF COMPARTMENT
From the BOYS' P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER and the elderly lady, AUDREY,
sipping champagne and nibbling caviar on toast.
Congratulate me, boys, I'm engaged.
PAUL enters and crosses over to him.
Oh no, you're not. You've gone too far this
time ... and who's paying for all this?
It's all taken care of. It's down on our bill.
Oh, well that's all right.
Young man, kindly moderate your tone when you
address my fiance.
I'm sorry, Missus, but the betrothal's off.
(He grabs GRANDFATHER
by the arm.)
I'll refuse me consent, he's over-age!
AUDREY grabs GRANDFATHER's other arm and pulls back.
Leave him alone, after all he's done for you is
this the way you repay him?
A tug of war now starts between PAUL and AUDREY.
Him? he's never done anything for anybody in
You dare to say that when even those ridiculous
clothes you are wearing were bought when you
forced him to sell out his gilt edged
JOHN and GEORGE jump on the seat egging PAUL and AUDREY on.
Come on, Auntie, you're winning.
Get in there, Paul, she's weakening.
RINGO attempts to interfere.
Look, Missus, this is all a misunderstanding,
you see, he's ...
Keep away from me, you depraved lout, I know
all about your terrible past.
She hits RINGO with her handbag and continues struggling with PAUL for
GRANDFATHER. RINGO grabs her handbag to stop her hitting him.
He's given me a bad character, blackguarding me
name to all and sundry. He's got to be stopped.
It's not fair.
RINGO pushes out into the corridor, forgetting that he is holding the
A voice shouts off from outside.
That's one of them ... stop thief!
14. INTERIOR CORRIDOR
From Ringo's P.O.V. we see down to the right the city man, JOHNSON,
approaching with a GUARD. RINGO turns the other way to the left when he
is joined by [the] three other boys. From their P.O.V. down the
corridor we see the two girls, autograph books in hand, followed by ten
girls from the same school.
Both groups are closing in on the BOYS. There's no escape.
(looking down at the
handbag in his hand)
15. INTERIOR LUGGAGE VAN
Very dark, and behind bars we see GRANDFATHER. He is sitting crouched
up on a wooden box tea chest and looks pretty miserable. He turns
towards the CAMERA; in the foreground of the SHOT we see PAUL standing.
In the background an impassive GUARD is reading a paper which he does
throughout the scene.
And to think me own grandson would have let
them put me behind bars!
The CAMERA PULLS BACK and we see GRANDFATHER in the luggage compartment
of the guards' van. In with him are a crate of chickens and a dog. The
chickens peck at him; GRANDFATHER moves listlessly away.
Let's face it, you're lucky to be here. If
they'd have had their way you'd have been
dropped off at Stafford already.
GRANDFATHER proudly turns away from PAUL who dodges round so he can
still see his face.
Well, you've got to admit you've upset a lot of
people. At least I can keep my eye on you while
you're stuck in here.
GRANDFATHER turns away again.
All right, how about Ringo? I mean ... he's
very upset, you know ... and as far as your
girlfriend, little Audrey's concerned, she's
finished with men for the rest of her natural,
and another thing ...
A harmless bit of fun, aah, none of you have
any sense of humour left these days.
Oh, it's all right for you but those two girls
were scared to death! Honest, Grandad, why? I
mean, why do you do these things?
You're left-handed, aren't you, Paul?
Yeah ... so what?
Why do you always use your left hand?
Well, don't be daft, I've got to.
And I take a left-handed view of life, I've got
PAUL grins. After a moment of looking at him, PAUL opens the door of
the luggage compartment and joins GRANDFATHER on a box.
GRANDFATHER produces a penny.
Odds or evens?
GRANDFATHER flips the coin.
The guards' van door opens and JOHN, GEORGE and RINGO come in, with
them are the girls, RITA and JEAN.
(as he sees PAUL behind the bars)
Don't worry, son, we'll get you the best
lawyer trading stamps can buy.
Oh, it's a laugh a line with Lennon.
Anyroad up ... It's all your fault.
That's right; convict without trial ... Habeas
JOHN has been looking around the guards' van.
Gaw, it's depressing in here, isn't it?
(he pats the dog)
'cos they usually reckon dogs more than people
in England, don't they? You'd expect something
a little more palatial.
Come on. Let's have a little action. Let's do
Well, I've got me gob stopper.
(he produces his mouth organ.)
Look, a genuine Stradivarius, hand tooled at
And to RINGO's beat on a tea chest they are off, PAUL and GEORGE
improvising other sounds, much to the GIRLS' delight. During the
number, GRANDFATHER quietly lets the latch off the chicken crate and
chickens begin to wander through the scene.
16. EXTERIOR TRAIN IN MOTION FROM ABOVE (NIGHT)
While the number is progressing, the train is getting nearer and nearer
17. EXTERIOR PLATFORM TERMINUS (NIGHT)
SHOTS of the station full of GIRLS waiting for the BOYS.
18. INTERIOR GUARDS VAN
By the time the number finishes the train pulls up with a sharp halt
that sends them all sprawling, BOYS and GIRLS.
NORM enters the guards' van.
Don't move, any of you. They've gone potty out
there. The whole place is surging with girls.
Please, can I have one to surge with?
Ah, go on, you swine.
No, you can't. Look, as soon as I tell you, run
through this door here and into the big car
He points and we see a big car parked across the road.
The BOYS prepare to depart, lining up with GRANDFATHER at the door.
19. EXTERIOR PLATFORM TERMINUS
Just as they are ready to go, a line of taxis draws up parallel to the
train and now separates them from the big car waiting for them.
GRANDFATHER pushes past the BOYS, holding his coat closed.
All right, lads, follow me.
And before NORM can stop him, he darts out of the door, PAUL after him.
The fans further down the platform see PAUL and charge forward ... in a
panic NORM and the others follow, JOHN just having time to kiss both
NORM drags him away.
20. EXTERIOR RAILWAY STATION
The BOYS manage to follow GRANDFATHER by leaping onto a motorized
luggage carrier, GEORGE driving and the other three posing as a frozen
tableau on the back. GRANDFATHER has arrived at a taxi door. He flings
it open and runs through, opening the other door, thus making a safe
bridge to the car.
The BOYS follow and manage to make it to the big car safely. They run
towards grandfather's taxi. The FANS have followed the BOYS and we see
streams of GIRLS piling through all the taxis one of which contains
JOHNSON the city man, opening and shutting the doors to get through,
much to the indignation of the TAXI DRIVERS.
21. INTERIOR BIG CAR
NORM is sitting in front with the driver, FRANK. The four BOYS and
GRANDFATHER are squashed together in the back.
(to the driver)
Go like the clappers, son!
That was my entire intention, sir.
22. EXTERIOR STATION
The car moves off surrounded by the FANS; from a height we see them
converge on the car but it moves forcefully out of the station and off.
It moves into the traffic in the main road and the journey to the hotel
23. INTERIOR HOTEL SUITE NIGHT
There is a reception room and off it lead rooms that are presumably
bedrooms, bathroom, etc. JOHN is lying sprawled out on a settee
listening to a transistor radio, demolishing a basket of fruit. PAUL is
sitting at an upright piano and GRANDFATHER is mooching about the room.
One of the doors opens and GEORGE enters followed by RINGO, none of the
BOYS are wearing coats.
I don't snore.
You do - repeatedly.
Do I snore?
(eating a banana)
You're a window rattler, son.
Well, that's just your opinion. Do I snore,
With a trombone hooter like yours it'd be
unnatural if you didn't.
Don't mock the afflicted, Pauly.
Oh for Pete's sake, It's only a joke.
Well, it may be a joke, but it's his nose. He
can't help having a horrible great nose, it's
the only one he's got. And his poor little
head's trembling under the weight of it.
NORM enters with three piles of fan mail and places them in front of
JOHN on a table. RINGO is almost in tears, examining his nose in a
Paul, John, George - get at it.
Hello the income tax have caught up with us at
PAUL and GEORGE gather round the low table. RINGO is left out of it.
None for me, then?
John hands RINGO a single envelope.
That'll keep you busy.
It's your nose, y'see. Fans are funny that way.
Take a dislike to things. They'll pick on a
You go and pick on your own.
SHAKE enters with a stack of mail about three times larger than all the
others put together.
Is that yours?
He dumps it in Ringo's arms who staggers into an armchair. The BOYS
send him up.
That must have cost you a fortune in stamps,
He comes from a large family.
(dumping the letters)
RINGO opens his letter and reads it. It contains a large embossed card.
Eh, what's Boyd's Club?
The lads gather round him and PAUL takes the card from him and reads.
"The Management of Boyd's takes pleasure in
requesting the company of Mr. Richard Starkey,
that's you, in their recently refinished gaming
rooms. Chemin de Fer. Baccarat, Roulette, and
Champagne Buffet." Blimey!
And they want me?
Oh, it's got round that you're a heavy punter.
(snatching the card)
Well you're not going.
(taking card from Norm)
Quite right, invites to gambling dens full of
easy money and fast women, chicken sandwiches
and cornets of caviar, disgusting!
He pockets the card himself.
Have done, and you lot get your pens out.
It's homework time for all you college
puddings. I want this lot
(he indicates the fan letters)
all answered tonight.
The BOYS all protest.
I'll brook no denial!
It's all right for you, you couldn't get a pen
in your foot, you swine.
Come on, Shake, we'll leave 'em to their
He goes followed by SHAKE.
There is a pause and JOHN deliberately rises slowly and crosses to his
coat. He puts it on and walks to the door.
While the swine's away the piglets can play.
Well, come on, what are we waiting for?
With a whoop PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO collect their coats and head for
What about all these letters?
They disappear. After a moment GRANDFATHER takes out Ringo's card.
And a free champagne buffet.
He grins to himself. At this moment a WAITER enters with a tray. He is
clad in tails and GRANDFATHER eyes them longingly, measuring himself
the while alongside the startled waiter. He leaves us with no doubt in
our minds what he wants, i.e., the waiter's suit.
24. INTERIOR DANCING CLUB NIGHT
The club is the latest in modern decor and full of teenagers all
enjoying themselves. The CAMERA wanders around the club till it finally
picks out JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE and RINGO all crowded around one small
table. The music is blaring away from a juke box and the BOYS join the
dancers. They are recognised and given smiles and nods of encouragement
by all the other customers. During this scene we
25. INTERIOR BOYD'S CLUB NIGHT
The whole atmosphere is of quiet elegance and loud wealth. Around the
baccarat table the rich, bored customers sit barely moving a face
muscle as they languidly murmur "suivez" and "banco" to the dealer as
he operates the shoe. The manager of the club is beaming with
satisfaction as he surveys his customers. One of these customers is
clad in evening dress and he has his back to us. The rest of the
players (male) are in suits. By each of them is standing a lush lady
with a bored sophisticated face that looks as if it has been painted
on. From the REVERSE of the LAST SHOT we now see the solitary evening
dress player is GRANDFATHER. He looks around him and wipes off his look
of enjoyment and elaborately out-bores everyone in the room.
He turns to the buxom BLONDE, who is dripping over him.
I bet you're a great swimmer. My turn? Bingo!
Pas "Bingo," M'sieur... Banco.
I'll take the little darlings anyway.
He takes up the cards and can't understand that they are unnumbered.
Two and one is three, carry one is four.
The buxom BLONDE leans over him.
Lay them down.
(disturbed by his eyeline)
Lay them down.
We'd be thrown out.
Your cards... lay them down... face up.
He does so.
Huit à la pointe... et sept.
(He pushes chips and box to Grandfather.)
You had a lovely little pair, y'see.
CROUPIER taps impatiently on box (shoe).
The cards... you're bank.
26. INTERIOR DANCING CLUB
The BOYS are having a rare old time and the place is really moving.
27. INTERIOR BOYD'S CLUB
GRANDFATHER is playing and a waiter is checking the requirements of the
M'lord dit "Bingo."
A little light refreshment.
A glass of the old chablis to wash down a
gesture of giblets wouldn't go amiss.
(He resumes his game.)
Souflée, chop chop.
The CROUPIER uses the spatula to pick up a card. GRANDFATHER grabs it
and scoops some sandwiches off a passing tray.
28. INTERIOR DANCING CLUB
The BOYS are at their table again laughing and enjoying themselves,
when suddenly their faces freeze.
From their P.O.V. we see NORM standing glowering down at them. With him
is SHAKE. Reluctantly the BOYS arise and follow NORM out.
29. INTERIOR BOYD'S
GRANDFATHER is looking worried at the call of the card he loses and we
see that all his chips have gone. He notices the waiter delivering
snacks and champagne to a couple, so quick as a flash, he places a
handkerchief over his arm and writing a bill out on a piece of paper,
presents it to the couple and collects payment in chips. He then
30. INTERIOR HOTEL ROOM
Waiter is sitting on chair in underclothes, reading. He hears a noise,
says "The manager!" and hides in outer clothes closet. NORM and the
BOYS enter saying:
Now get on with it.
We were going to do it.
Aye, well, now!
(He goes through bedroom.)
RINGO goes to hang up coat in closet. He does so, then crosses to rest.
Any of you lot put a man in that cupboard?
A man? No.
Well somebody did.
GEORGE goes to cupboard. We see the WAITER from his P.O.V. He closes
door, returns to group.
He's right, y'know.
Ah well, there you go.
SHAKE enters front door, goes to hang up coat and drags WAITER out.
Eh, what's all this?
Oh, him... He's been lurking.
Aye, he looks a right lurker.
You're undressed. Where are your clothes?
The old gentlemen borrowed them to go gambling
Oh, he's gone to my club, has he?
(turning on Ringo)
Yeah, It's all your fault, getting invites to
gambling clubs. He's probably in the middle of
an orgy by now.
Well, what are we waiting for?
Aye, come on, honest, that grandfather of yours
is worse than any of you lot.
31. INTERIOR BOYD'S
GRANDFATHER is drinking champagne in locked arms with BLONDE.
Encore de champagne, Monsieur?
Yes, and I'll have some more champagne as well.
He takes another swig of his glass.
Lord John McCartney, he's the millionaire Irish
Peer, filthy rich of course.
Oh I don't know, looks rather clean to me.
The MANAGER comes to grandfather's side.
Play is about to resume, m'lord.
(handing him a chip)
Lead me to it, I've a winning itch that only
success can pacify.
He takes his place at the table. The MANAGER watches for a moment then
moves away from the table towards the club reception desk.
32. INTERIOR RECEPTION DESK BOYD'S CLUB
JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, NORM and SHAKE are trying to gain entrance.
I'm sorry sir, members and invited guests only.
PAUL, GEORGE, RINGO, JOHN
I've got to get in.
It's urgent and important.
I've had an invite.
Take me to your leader.
The BOYS do and meanwhile the MANAGER has walked into SHOT. He
recognises the BOYS and welcomes them with false enthusiasm. They all
start to enter the main room.
All we want to know is have you got a little
old man in there?
Do you mean Lord McCartney?
He's at it again. Look, I'm his grandfather...
(standing next to Grandfather)
Oh, it must be the dolly floor show.
Stay where you are everybody this is a raid and
we want him.
Who are these ruffians?... I've never seen them
before in my life! ... (etc.)
They grab the protesting GRANDFATHER and drag him into the reception
area. He keeps trying to return to BLONDE and table. GEORGE and RINGO
each take an end of the velvet cord hanging between the two stanchions.
They exchange ends and re-hook it, thus encircling GRANDFATHER by the
entrance desk. They then go to settle up.
(with false charm)
Before you go, gentlemen, there's the small
matter of the bill.
He snaps his fingers and a waiter hands him the bill.
I'll settle that.
He glances at it.
A hundred and eighty pounds!
I beg your pardon, guineas.
At that moment a WAITER appears with a tray full of pound notes.
Your winnings, my lord, one hundred and ninety
The MANAGER tears up the bill and takes the money.
How about me change?
Cloak room charge.
He hands GRANDFATHER his old mackintosh.
Ah well, easy come, easy go.
The others glower at him.
33. INTERIOR BIG CAR (MOVING ON WAY TO STUDIOS)
The BOYS have settled down.
Should I say it?
Follow your impulse.
It'll only get you into trouble.
Aah, shurrup, misery!
JOHN slouches forward.
O.K. Driver, follow that car!!
The driver [Frank] is an urbane young man in a handsome grey uniform.
(indicating the traffic)
Would you like to be a little more precise,
Well, that's the wrong line for a start.
(meaning: "I beg your pardon.")
Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he was
just fulfilling a lifelong ambition.
Yeah, you know, "O.K. Buster, follow that car,
there's a sawbuck in it for you if you get real
Oh, yes, now I'm with you.
[he changes his accent]
But, gee, Mister, I've got my license to think
of ... we're doing a hundred now ...
The car is stopped in traffic behind a bus. JOHN gets out of car and
walks to the front. JOHN leans in window delightedly, he flashes his
Ever seen one of these before?
Ah ... a shamus, eh?
I see you go to the night court.
I've made the scene.
Well, remember, its Leathery Magee up ahead in
that convertible, so cover me in the stake-out.
I don't think that bit's right.
What do you expect from an ad lib ... Raymond
34. EXTERIOR STREET
As the big car overtakes a Company Director's Rolls. JOHN lowers his
window and the boys let out an imaginary hail of bullets at the
Executive in the back. He reacts violently and starts to shout at them.
As he does so, he presses the button of his window, so that we hear
only part of it. But what we do is unpleasant. He immediately presses
the button and the window rises.
RINGO and PAUL jump out of the car. RINGO takes two drumsticks from his
coat pocket and, using them as banderillas, inserts them with style
into the radiator grill (V.O. "Ole" from the BOYS). PAUL, then, using
his coat as a matador's cloak, does a butterfly pass at the car which
has just started up, narrowly missing him, but he keeps in the matador
35. INTERIOR CAR
Will you all stop it, you're like a gang of
school kids. I knew this was going to happen
(as Ringo and Paul climb in)
Well, you shouldn't have had bacon for your
breakfast, you cannibal.
We're nearly there, sir.
Eh ... don't call him sir, he's got enough
delusions of power as it is.
CLOSE SHOT of a long suffering NORM.
And I was happy in the bakery. I'll never know
why I left.
36. EXTERIOR OF AN OLD VICTORIAN MUSIC HALL THEATRE
Which has been converted to the T.V. studios.
There are a few groups of GIRL FANS standing outside the front of the
theatre, but against the kerb of the pavement is a night-watchman's
canvas hut and brazier.
The car approaches.
37. INTERIOR OF THE CAR
Get ready John, open the door and as it draws
up, out you go and straight in.
JOHN nods and opens the door. The FANS start to swarm 'round them. To
escape, the BOYS dash into the night-watchman's canvas hut, pick it up
and run with it to the stage door, revealing the night-watchman,
staring in astonishment.
At the door the BOYS put the hut down and enter the theatre.
38. INTERIOR STAGE DOOR ENTRANCE
As the BOYS enter, two P.R.O. men in dark suits, stiff white collars
and old school ties step forward and smile menacingly.
FIRST P.R.O. MAN
Press conference, they're waiting for you.
Give us a couple of shakes to get our breath.
FIRST P.R.O. MAN
They're waiting now!
And without more ado they grab an arm each and march the protesting
NORM towards the stairs that lead to the dress circle.
Eh this lot means it. They're even taking
The BOYS, SHAKE and GRANDFATHER rush after the rapidly disappearing
NORM, who by now is half way up the stairs.
39. INTERIOR OF DRESS CIRCLE LOUNGE BALLROOM
It is empty except for two barmaids poised ready to serve, standing
behind trestle tables full of drinks and sandwiches. The dark suited
MEN enter with NORM and close behind them follow GRANDFATHER, SHAKE and
the boys. The group arrives at the centre of the lounge and have time
to look about and see the food but before they can get to it, from all
directions NEWSPAPERMEN and PHOTOGRAPHERS converge upon them.
Now begins an elaborate tug-of-war between various PHOTOGRAPHERS using
their flash attachments and REPORTERS to capture a Beatle and in the
midst of this running battle a man with a portable recorder is trying
to interview them. Together and singly the BOYS are pushed about the
room and while this goes on a hard core of NEWSPAPERMEN are busily
devouring sandwiches and pouring themselves drinks, to the annoyance of
Every time one of the BOYS attempts to get a sandwich or a drink, it is
either too late, the plate is empty, or they are intercepted. The
single and constant thing we see in the scene is the pushing and
pulling, heavy impersonal handling, the boys are just things to be
placed like still life in one advantageous position after another.
During the scene these individual exchanges take place:
What's your philosophy of life?
I'm torn between Zen and I'm all right, Jack.
Has success changed your life?
Do you like playing the guitar?
Next to kissing girls it's favourites.
PAUL is surrounded by newspapermen.
No, actually, we're just good friends.
HIGH SHOT of the press reception and we see the BOYS ease their way out
until they get to the curtained entrance to the dress circle;
completely unnoticed, they slip through.
40. INTERIOR THEATRE DRESS CIRCLE
The BOYS come up the stairs into the Dress Circle proper. GRANDFATHER
and SHAKE are sitting there having a picnic of beer and sandwiches.
Anything to spare?
We've just finished, Pauly. Hey George, write
us your John Henry on this picture.
(He does so).
Ah well. Eh, look!
He points, and from PAUL'S P.O.V. we see on stage, the setting up of
the show, scenery and lights, cameras and sound equipment are being put
into position by a small army of studio staff. DANCERS and SINGERS are
milling about as well.
Let's go and muck in.
Aye, before anyone stops us.
They exit to rows of the dress circle and go through the entrance down
the narrow stairs to the stalls and on to the stage that is built and
extended right into the stalls, which are partly covered up.
41. INTERIOR STAGE
Everyone is so busy that they hardly notice the BOYS, who wander about
and examine the studio equipment. A load of three drum sets are being
brought on stage and a voice shouts out:
Here, what about these electric guitars?
Where are they?
Back here, mate.
(going towards the voice)
RINGO is busy setting up his drums, and men are setting up the other
sets. He drops a stick and the FLOOR MANAGER retrieves it and is about
to tap the drum. The FLOOR MANAGER is a languid young man.
Leave them drums alone.
Oh, surely one can have a tiny touch.
If you so much as breathe heavy on them, I'm
out on strike.
Aren't you being rather arbitrary?
That's right retreat behind a smoke screen of
bourgeois cliches. I don't go round messing
about with your ear-phones, do I?
RINGO fusses like a mother hen clucking over his drums. The FLOOR
MANAGER is furious.
He's very touchy about those his drums, they
loom large in his legend.
RINGO gives his drums a defiant crash and JOHN and PAUL stop whatever
they are up to and hurry over.
He's sulking again.
I'll show him.
He picks up a set of drum sticks and bashes back at RINGO, who does a
more complicated drum roll. GEORGE now joins in and to PAUL'S
encouragement a drum duel starts completely naturally and improvised.
During this encounter the work proceeds around them and the guitars are
brought on and SHAKE sets them to working order. PAUL first, then JOHN
and GEORGE take up their own instruments and out of the drum duel
emerges one of their numbers.
42. INTERIOR RAMP
As the number finishes a baldheaded man (he is the T.V. director)
storms down the ramp that leads from the control box under the dress
(with over-exaggerated calm)
All right I'm sorry and let's hear no more about
it. If that's your opinion, you're probably
right. Look, if you think I'm unsuitable let's
have it out in the open, I can't stand these
By the end of this speech he is standing in front of JOHN who takes the
scene in his stride.
Aren't you tending to black and white this
Well, quite honestly I wasn't expecting "a
musical arranger" who would question my
ability ... picture-wise.
(to the others)
I could listen to him for hours.
Heave to, what's all this about a musical
Mr. McCartney Senior!
The BOYS have a giggle at the very idea and at this moment GRANDFATHER
appears from behind the DIRECTOR.
Hey Pauly, they're trying to fob you off wid
this musical charlatan but I've given him the
I'm quite happy to be replaced.
(indicating the director)
He's a typical buck-passer.
I won an award.
A likely story.
It's on the wall in my office.
At this moment NORM comes on the stage, confident, cigar in mouth and
Hello our lot, everyone happy?
The BOYS, the DIRECTOR, FLOOR MANAGER and GRANDFATHER turn on him and
All right, all right. If you don't need this
lot, I'll lock 'em up in the dressing room till
Please do, I'll not need them for fifteen
minutes. Thank you.
He glares at GRANDFATHER who glares right back. The DIRECTOR walks away
with the FLOOR MANAGER pacifying him.
Give me a bottle of milk and a packet of
Oblivion. Oh, it's a plot, I see it now, it's
all a plot.
They go left towards the back-stage.
Now, come on, I've got the key.
He leads the lads off right. RINGO is last as he is putting his drum
sticks down safely.
NORM and the BOYS turn on him.
Let's have you.
Come on speedy!
RINGO glares at them and follows quickly. As the BOYS move off after
NORM, they pass the next act waiting for rehearsal. It is an elegant
man in full-tail suit meticulously adjusting his cuff-links. Beside him
is a free-standing sign reading "Leslie Jackson and his ten
disappearing doves." The BOYS pass him and go through the door.
GRANDFATHER stops and looks at the performer with respect.
I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed your act.
He slaps the man on the back with happy camaraderie. There is the sound
of a dove, a few feathers fall out of the sleeve of the man's coat and
he and GRANDFATHER look down at the floor. The man glares at
GRANDFATHER, takes out a pen from his pocket, crosses out "10" on his
sign, and writes "9" in its place, puts the pen back in his pocket and
starts towards the centre stage putting on a false performer's smile as
43. INTERIOR THEATRE BACK-STAGE CORRIDOR
The BOYS move down the narrow stairs, and out of the ground floor
dressing rooms stream a steady flow of costumed actors and actresses.
They engulf the lads and force them against the wall -- the actors are
all making for the stage door. As the actors push past the boys we see
the boys' excited faces, their mouths watering for the costumes. JOHN
touches the costume on one actor.
Right, first floor and no messing about.
NORM, leading the way, goes up the stairs but as they turn the first
corner they are confronted by a group of girls, a game of manners
starts, "after you," "No, after you." NORM who is ahead of the group
looks down on them in disgust.
Lennon, leave them girls alone or I'll report
The BOYS let the GIRLS pass and resume the journey, always surrounded
44. INTERIOR DRESSING ROOM AND CORRIDOR
RINGO'S attention is caught by a door. He crosses and opens it, looking
out to a fire escape. The others join him and the four boys step
through the door and onto the fire escape.
45. EXTERIOR TOP OF FIRE ESCAPE
From the BOYS' P.O.V. we see down below into the property yard behind
the theatre. It is a long narrow yard full of old coaches, motor cars
and all the general debris of hundreds of sets from past theatre shows.
Through the piles of heaped high junk there are a couple of narrow
The BOYS scamper down the fire escape.
When they reach the bottom of the alleyways, there is a large door.
They open it and look through.
From their P.O.V. we see a large green field quite empty. The boys step
through the doorway into the field. We now see from a HELICOPTER SHOT
the four BOYS standing together surrounded by space.
It is the first time they have been alone and unconfined all day.
They look at each other and grin ... then first GEORGE and PAUL let out
a whoop and run towards the centre of the field, after a moment JOHN
and RINGO follow them. The BOYS pick up some loose straw and insert it
under JOHN'S cap and sleeves, turning him into a scarecrow.
The four BOYS dash about madly calling out to one another and generally
horsing around. Out of this emerges an imaginary game of soccer and
although there is no ball the game is fast and furious. After a few
moments the long shadow of a man falls across the grass.
I suppose you know this is private property.
The boys freeze.
From their P.O.V. we see a big burly middle-aged man glowering at them.
The boys exchange rueful glances and, under the big man's eye, mooch
back towards the gateway they came in by. JOHN is the last to go
through. He turns to the man.
Sorry if we hurt your field, Mister.
46. INTERIOR CORRIDOR BACK-STAGE
GRANDFATHER is sneaking down the corridor, a pile of photos under his
47. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE UNDERNEATH THE STAGE
Under the stage the usual set of wooden columns that support the stage
with lots of furniture and a single light is on; it is placed by the
orchestra's entrance to the orchestra pit. GRANDFATHER comes down the
stairs and winds his way through the columns until he finds himself a
safe little cubby hole and settles himself under the light. He spreads
the signed photos of the BOYS in front of him and, adjusting an old-
fashioned pair of glasses, ball-point pen in hand begins to copy the
BOYS' signatures on to the fresh photos, tutting at his failures and
chuckling at his successes. After a moment, there is a sound of someone
coming down the stairs. GRANDFATHER darts into a dark patch out of
The menacing shadows appear on the stairway.
NORM (voice off)
There's no one here.
SHAKE (voice off)
This is the only way they could have gone.
We now see GRANDFATHER holding himself stiffly in, he is on some sort
of raised platform and he fidgets and in doing so he knocks a lever of
some sort. Slowly GRANDFATHER ascends out of shot with a light that
grows bigger above him.
48. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE
A rehearsal of the toast scene from a Strauss Operetta. The entire
stage is full of SINGERS, glasses in hand they are singing away at each
other but in true opera tradition they are addressing out to the
audience. Slowly in-between the leading man and leading woman, who are
about to embrace, a stage trap opens and a blinking, surprised,
GRANDFATHER appears. Here we INTERCUT to the T.V. Control Room for
amazed reaction shots of the DIRECTOR and control room CREW.
Back now on the stage the toast song reaches its climax and the leading
man and woman rush into each other's arms, GRANDFATHER sandwiched
48A. INTERIOR CORRIDOR AS BOYS PASS THRU ON WAY TO DRESSING ROOM
JOHN is behind them. JOHN, BOYS and MILLIE are walking towards each
(as all pass)
(stopping... the boys
carry on past, not noticing
Oh, wait a minute, don't tell me you're ...
No, not me.
Oh you are, I know you are.
No, I'm not.
I'm not, no.
Well, you look like him.
Oh do I? You're the first one who ever said
Oh you do, look.
JOHN looks at himself in the mirror.
JOHN examines himself in the mirror carefully.
My eyes are lighter.
And my nose...
Well, yes your nose is. Very.
I would have said so.
Aye, but you know him well.
No I don't, he's only a casual acquaintance.
That's what you tell me.
What have you heard?
It's all over the place, everyone knows.
Is it? Is it really?
Mind you, I stood up for you, I mean I wouldn't
I knew I could rely on you.
MILLIE touches his arm then walks away. After a moment she turns.
You don't look like him at all.
JOHN winks at her and she winks back.
49. INTERIOR DRESSING ROOM
NORM and SHAKE enter the room. The BOYS' TAILOR is there waiting for
Oh they've probably gone to the canteen, cup
of tea, like.
That's too easy for Lennon.
He crosses to door leading to fire escape.
He's out there somewhere, causing trouble just
to upset me.
You're imagining it. You're letting things
prey on your mind.
Oh no... this is a battle of nerves between
John and me.
But John hasn't got any.
I know, that's the trouble.
He puffs nervously at his cigarette.
Oh, I've toyed with the idea of a ball and
chain but he'd only rattle them at me... and
in public and all. Sometimes I think he enjoys
seeing me suffer.
He hears something.
Get behind that door, they're coming. Someone's
coming. Quick, hide!
The two men hide behind the door. The boys enter the room, as JOHN is
last he shuts the door and faces SHAKE and NORM.
What are you doing there?
I think you're soft or something.
We weren't hiding.
Now. We were trying to catch you redhanded. I
thought I told you lot to stay here?
When I tell you to stay put, stay put.
(down on his knees)
Don't cane me, sir, I was led astray.
Oh shurrup and come on John. They're waiting
for you in the studio.
Oh dear, I feel like doing a bit of work.
Good lad, Ringo.
Oh, listen to teacher's pet.
He's betrayed the class.
Oh, leave off!!!
CLOSE-UP on NORM's long suffering face.
Will you all get a move on! They're waiting for
By this time the TAILOR has his tape stretched between his hands to
measure GEORGE's shoulders. But since GEORGE has moved away, he is
measuring space. JOHN takes up his scissors and cuts the tape.
I now declare this bridge open.
The BOYS run out the door.
50. INTERIOR BACKSTAGE AREA
Five beautiful MODELS are standing about in costume. One is knitting a
loose wool sweater which is almost completed. There is the sound of a
juggling act's music off and a few of the girls are looking off towards
the centre stage. At the edge of frame is a collapsible table covered
with green baize. On it are three spaced white plates.
From the door off stage, above which is a sign "To Canteen and
Production Offices", GRANDFATHER enters eating a plate of spaghetti on
toast. The knitting GIRL sees him and, in mime, asks him to stand still
so that she can measure the sweater against him. GRANDFATHER, eager to
help, puts his plate of food on the green table between plates two and
three. He goes to be measured with the sweater.
From the onstage area, a juggler's ASSISTANT (pretty girl) in costume
backs up and with the usual theatrical flourishes picks up, without
looking, plate number ONE and throws it off screen towards centre
stage. There is a drum roll from orchestra. She then throws plate
number TWO. We CUT on stage to the JUGGLER now balancing the two
spinning plates on two poles, one in each hand. He has another pole in
his mouth and nods to his ASSISTANT, asking for the THIRD plate.
We CUT BACK to the ASSISTANT who, still not looking, throws plate THREE
which is GRANDFATHER's. There is the sound of an orchestra raggedly
stopping and all the hangers-on in the scene look off interestedly.
We hear the DIRECTOR's voice.
All right, hold it, hold it... O.K. John, wipe
him down and we'll carry on with the next act.
centre stage. The JUGGLER is as before but the spaghetti is covering
his head, having slipped off the third plate.
The FLOOR MANAGER is bustling around, trying to help.
We CUT BACK to back-stage. GRANDFATHER has finished being measured and
goes to the green table where he put his plate down. He picks up the
only remaining plate, looks at it, wondering where his food has gone,
shrugs and heads back towards the exit door as we hear the DIRECTOR's
51. INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
CLOSE-UP on the distraught DIRECTOR.
Where are they? I said, where are they? Where
They're coming, I promise you.
Now look, if they're not here on this floor in
thirty seconds there's going to be trouble ...
understand me ... trouble!!!
Two STAGE HANDS are walking disinterestedly past, they look at the
1st STAGE HAND
What's he on about, Taff?
WELSH STAGE HAND
Well ... he's being the director. Of course, he
lives in a world of his own, mind.
At this moment the boys, NORM, SHAKE and GRANDFATHER appear. The BOYS
grab their instruments and prepare to play.
(to the director)
Standing about, eh? Some people have it dead
easy, don't they?
The director is about to blow his top but manages to hold on and mutter
to the heavens.
Of course, once you're over thirty, you're
finished. It's a young man's medium and I just
can't take the pace.
Are you as young as that, then?
Isn't it always the way? Picking on us little
Shove the gentleman jockey in the make-up room
or something and keep your eye on him, will
I'm an electrician, not a wet nurse, y'know.
I'll set John on you!
Oh, anything you say, Paul.
He leads GRANDFATHER away.
The BOYS are placed in position, instruments ready. The boom moves in
near them. There is a mike hovering just over JOHN'S head. JOHN starts
DIRECTOR'S VOICE (over Tannoy)
Run through the number and try not to jiggle
out of your positions.
The BOYS start the number, as the stage hands adjust their settings.
When they've finished, they stand about spare.
52. INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
The room is crowded with the usual personnel, P.A., elecs, racks,
etc.... make-up supervisor and wardrobe mistress.
That was more or less all right for me. I'll give
them one more run through then leave them alone
until the dress ...
(to make-up woman)
Oh how about make-up?
Not really, they don't need it any. We'll just
powder them off for shine.
Good. Norm, get them along to make-up will you?
(looking into the monitor)
And hurry, they're not looking too happy.
From the director's P.O.V. we see into the monitor. The boys crowding
around RINGO. We cut through the monitor into the same position in the
[53. INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
What's the matter with you? You were bashing
away like a madman.
You were twanging too loud.
How'd you like a dirty great drum roll giving
you a clout right in the middle of your solo?
You're getting out of hand. I don't know what's
come over you today.
That's right. It's always me, isn't it?
Since you ask, yes.
Aah, come on, Ring, we love you.
He puts his arm around Ringo's shoulder.
He'll get over it.
NORM appears down the ramp speaking as he approaches.
All right, our lot, make-up.]
54. INTERIOR MAKE UP ROOM
A smallish room with a line of chairs facing a wall mirror and a long
table. Each place is clearly marked and above each mirror a girl's
name: Betty, Angela, Deirdre, Jenny.
SHAKE and GRANDFATHER are sitting in splendid isolation. They are
staring each other out.
I never did, you did.
The BOYS enter.
Hello, he's not talking to me. He's having a
Well, it must be catching. He's given it to the
He indicates RINGO who ignores him.
Stop picking on him.
I don't need you to defend me, y'know, Norm.
Leave him alone, he's got swine fever.
Sit down, the lot of you.
At this moment several actors come into the room. They are all dressed
in the uniform of officers in Wellington's army. Together with the boys
they sit down, Beatles and soldiers all mixed up.
Now a group of several pretty make-up girls make an entrance and the
boys herald their arrival with a chorus of "aye aye's" and wolf
whistles. JOHN meanwhile has helped himself to a big beard and the
other lads are generally messing about with assorted make-up things.
HEAD MAKE UP GIRL
Oh, this is impossible! We'll never get you
all done in time.
Well, you'll just have to do us first... It
makes no difference to them whether they're
made up or not.
(sees John with beard)
And who's me, then?
My name's Betty...
(pointing to the name
on the mirror)
Do you want a punch up your frogged tunic?
NORM fights his way to JOHN.
Now listen, John, behave yourself or I'll
murder you and, Shake, take that wig off, it
SHAKE has a long blond girl's wig on. With the assistance of the girls,
NORM gets the boys seated into the chairs nearest the door. For some
reason RINGO now has a Guardsman's busby wedged down almost over his
eyes and is sitting with it under a hair drier, reading a copy of
What do you think are you're up to?
Someone put it on me.
Excuses, that's all we get and you know you
fancy yourself in the Coldstreams.
The GIRLS now move in and put make up bibs on the BOYS and start to
powder them off.
You won't interfere with the basic rugged
concept of my personality, will you, girl?
Eh, don't take out me lines.
Yeah, they give him that "Je ne sais quoi"
The lads laugh with pleasure.
RINGO decides to try a little joke.
(indicating the busby he is still
Short back and sides, please.
The other look at him with mock disgust.
Foreign devil ...
GRANDFATHER has been watching the powdering process.
In my considered opinion you're a bunch of
JOHN grabs a powder puff from his girl.
You know you're only jealous!
And dabs the old man liberally with the powder much to GRANDFATHER's
Leave him alone, Lennon, or I'll tell them all
the truth about you.
I would though.
NORM goes out.
What's he know?
Nothing, he's trying to brainwash me and give
me personality doubts ... oh, he's a swine but
a clever swine, mind.
Lookit, I thought I was supposed to be getting
a change of scenery and so far I've seen a
train and a room, a car and a room and a room
and a room. Well, that's maybe all right for a
bunch of powdered gee-gaws like you lot but I'm
feeling decidedly strait-jacketed. This is no
life for a free-booting agent of my stamp. I'm
a frustrated man and that class of McCartney is
a dangerous McCartney.
What a clean old man.
You're too young for a fella of my
cosmopolitan tastes, so don't press your luck.
He's sex-obsessed, the older generation are
leading this country to galloping ruin.
NORM returns leaving the door open, the boys hear the sound of music
coming from the studio.
They're nearly ready for you. They're just
finishing the band call.
(jumping from his seat)
Gear! Come on, girls, let's have a bit of a
I don't think its allowed.
Well ... it wouldn't be any fun if it was!
The BOYS drag the make-up GIRLS out of the room and into the studio.
The GIRLS are still trying to finish making the BOYS up.
As the BOYS and MAKE-UP GIRLS dance past, we see one of the "Strauss"
singers combing his long hair straight back. Two STAGE HANDS swing a
wind machine past him and his hair is blown straight forward into a
During dance, GEORGE takes off wig and places it on dummy, revealing
identical hair underneath.
55. INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
The work is still going on and the music is up full blast, the BOYS
enter and with the GIRLS [and] they start a wild dance, hippy, shake,
zulu, blue beat, the lot. LIONEL and DANCERS are doing their routine on
one side of the stage ... it becomes a challenge dance between both
groups. JOHN swings his GIRL onto the motorized CAMERA, Western style,
and starts to track through the GROUP. GEORGE is on another CAMERA.
56. INTERIOR CONTROL ROOM
The whole control room crew are watching the dance on all the monitors.
The DIRECTOR is about to stop the boys but his GIRL P.A. glares at him,
with a shrug he lets the dance go on.
We now cut between the dancers on the monitors and the boys actual
dancing down on the studio floor. When the recorded music stops, they
grab their instruments and go into a number.
So we can watch every aspect of their work and with so many monitors it
gives the impression that there are many more boys than just four.
When the number finally ends we are back in the studio on the floor.
57. INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO FLOOR
DIRECTOR'S VOICE OVER TANNOY
Thank you gentlemen, you can break now while we
push on with the show.
The boys acknowledge this with a quaver of guitar chords and a drum
NORM is on them at once.
That was great, you've got about an hour but
don't leave the theatre.
JOHN grabs the arm of a sexy girl dancer.
She's going to show me her stamp collection.
(grabs a showgirl)
John, I'm talking to you. This final run
through is important. Understand? Important.
(like a pig)
They dash off with the two beauties.
GRANDFATHER is hovering in the background with SHAKE.
I want me cup of tea.
I'm adjusting the decibels on the inbalance.
But GEORGE is disappearing out of the door.
NORM turns to RINGO.
Look after him.
Do I have to raise me voice?
Oh, all right. Come here, Grandad.
And the two of them walk off, Ringo leading.
57A. INTERIOR BACKSTAGE
A man, whose act is playing tunes by hitting himself on the head, is
swallowing a handful of aspirin tablets. He starts rehearsing his act,
which consists of throwing his head back and slapping his cheeks. Next
to him, a JUGGLER is practising with four table tennis balls.
GRANDFATHER passes him and bumps his arm slightly. Only 3 balls come
down. There is the sound of coughing off.
THE HEAD-PLAYER being patted on the back. The ball drops out of his
mouth and bounces slowly on the studio floor.
58. INTERIOR T.V. STUDIO CANTEEN
The canteen is about half full of actors many of which are dressed as
Nazi soldiers, with mock blood bandages and arm bands. Also there are a
sprinkling of T.V. people. At a table sits GRANDFATHER and RINGO. RINGO
is deeply engrossed in a book and GRANDFATHER has a near empty cup of
tea in front of him. The old man is bored and looks about him slyly. He
then looks at Ringo who is innocently occupied, a malicious gleam comes
into GRANDFATHER's eye. He decides to have a go at RINGO and sits
staring at him. RINGO gradually becomes aware of the stare and shifts
uncomfortably then tries to continue reading his book.
(disgustedly to no one
Will you ever look at him, sitting there wid
his hooter scraping away at that book!
Well ... what's the matter with that?
(taking the book from him)
Have you no natural resources of your own? Have
they even robbed you of that?
(snatching back his book)
You can learn from books.
Can you now? Aah ... sheeps' heads! You learn
more by getting out there and living.
Any old where ... but not our little Richard
... oh no! When you're not thumping them pagan
skins, you're tormenting your eyes wid that
Books are good!
(marching up and down the canteen)
That's it, parading the streets ... trailing
your coat ... bowling along ... living!
Well, I am living, aren't I?
You're living, are you? When was the last time
you gave a girl a pink-edged daisy? When did
you last embarrass a sheila wid your cool
Eh ... you're a bit old for that sort of chat,
At least I've a backlog of memories, but all
you've got is that book!
Aaah ... stop picking on me... you're as bad as
the rest of them.
So you are a man after all.
What's that mean?
Do you think I haven't noticed ... do you think
I wasn't aware of the drift? Oh ... you poor
unfortunate scuff, they've driven you into
books by their cruel, unnatural treatment,
exploiting your good nature.
(not too sure)
Oh ... I dunno.
And that lot's never happier than when they're
jeering at you ... and where would they be
without the steady support of your drum beat,
I'd like to know.
Yeah ... that's right.
And what's it all come to in the end?
Yeah ... what's in it for me?
Yeah ... a bloomin' book!
He throws the book down.
When you could be out there betraying a rich
American widow or sipping palm wine in Tahiti
before you're too old like me. A fine neat and
trim lad the class of you should be helping
himself to life's goodies before the sands run
out. Being an old age pensioner's a terrible
drag on a man and every second you waste is
bringing you nearer the Friday queue at the
Yeah ... funny really, 'cos I'd never thought
of it but being middle-aged and old takes up
most of your time, doesn't it?
You're only right.
I'm not wrong.
There is a pause, then RINGO rises and crosses to the door.
Where are you off to?
I'm going parading before it's too late!
RINGO leaves and GRANDFATHER laughs at what he has done, then realizes
its full meaning and looks worried.
59. INTERIOR CORRIDOR and STAIRWAY
RINGO comes along the corridor then down the narrow stairs. Half-way
down he comes face to face with GEORGE who is coming up the stairs.
Eh, Ringo, do you know what happened to me?
No. I don't.
As he goes round the corner RINGO turns on the surprised GEORGE.
You want to stop being so scornful, it's
twisting your face.
60. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE NEAR STAGE DOORMAN'S OFFICE
JOHN and PAUL are chatting up a couple of girls, when they see RINGO
approaching they break off the conversation.
Here he is, the middle-aged boy wonder.
RINGO looks at JOHN hard.
Eh. I thought you were looking after the old
(with simple dignity)
PAUL and JOHN gape at him. For good measure Ringo takes a quick
photograph of them before he leaves them flabbergasted and walks off
into the street.
We've got only half an hour till the final
run-through. He can't walk out on us.
Can't he? He's done it, son!
GEORGE runs towards them.
Eh, I don't know if you realise it, but ...
Yes. Your grandfather's stirred him up.
Yes, he's filled his head with notions
The old mixer, come on we'll have to put him
The three of them go into the street.
61. EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE DOOR ENTRANCE
The boys look up and down but RINGO has completely disappeared.
We'll split up and search for him, he can't be
They now all start to go off in the same direction, they pause, there
are three roads they can take but each time they begin to move they all
go the same way.
It's happened at last, we've become a limited
I'll look in here again.
PAUL gives him a push to the left and GEORGE to the right and going
straight ahead himself they part and go their separate ways.
62. EXTERIOR STREET
RINGO is walking along taking photographs with his camera when some
girls recognise him and start to follow him. They quicken their pace
and RINGO runs ahead of them. He turns and comes into another street.
He sees a second-hand clothes shop with a sign saying "We Buy Anything"
and enters the shop just before the pursuing girls come round the
corner. The girls stand about looking in all directions. After a moment
RINGO comes out of the shop. He is wearing a long mackintosh and a
natty cap pulled well down. He is ignored by the girls who don't
recognise him. Realising this he goes back and ogles one of them. She
glares at him.
Get out of it, short house!
CLOSE-UP on Ringo's secret but happy smile as he walks briskly down the
63. EXTERIOR TOW PATH CANAL
RINGO kicks at a brick. He kicks stylishly but misses so tries again,
misses again, but finally kicks the stone which doesn't budge so he
bends down and pulls it out of the ground. It is quite big. Three
quarters of it being below the surface. Having got it he now decides to
throw it away. As he does so the same POLICEMAN rides past on a
Ain't you got no more bleeding sense than to go
round chucking bricks about.
Before RINGO has time to answer the man has disappeared.
(shouting after him)
He looks at the canal water moodily; at this moment a large lorry tyre
rolls down the incline and bashes him slap in the back, sprawling him
on the path, the tyre on top of him. A small boy appears after the tyre
and stands over the prostrate RINGO.
Here, mate, that's my hoop, stop playing with
Hoop, this isn't a hoop, it's a lethal weapon.
Have you got a licence for it?
Oh don't be so stroppy!
Well! A boy of your age bowling "hoop" at
people. How old are you anyway?
Bet you're only eight and a half.
Eight and two thirds.
Well, there you are and watch it with that
Gerron out of it, you're only jealous 'cause
I bet you're
(searching for an age)
Fifteen and two thirds, actually.
All right, take your hoop and bowl.
He moves off and the BOY follows.
Oh you can have it, I'm packing it in -- it
You heard, it gets on my wick.
Well that's lovely talk, that is. And another
thing, why aren't you at school?
I'm a deserter.
(smiling in spite of himself)
Are you now?
Yeah, I've blown school out.
No, Ginger, Eddy Fallon and Ding Dong.
Ding Dong? Oh Ding Dong Bell, eh?
Yeah, that's right, they was supposed to come
with us but they chickened.
Yeah? And they're your mates are they?
Not much cop without 'em, is it?
Oh, it's all right.
What they like?
BOY is glad to have something to talk about.
Ginger's mad, he says things all the time and
Eddy's good at punching and spitting.
How about Ding Dong?
He's a big head and he fancies himself with it
but you know it's all right 'cos he's one of
RINGO nods his head understandingly and they mooch on together.
Why aren't you at work?
I'm a deserter, too.
At this moment a child's voice shouts out "Charley" and from RINGO'S
P.O.V. we see three kids. RINGO turns to the BOY and looks at them
The BOY runs off to join his mates. As he joins them they punch and
scuffle together. They are obviously a gang. RINGO is left alone.
64. INTERIOR CORRIDOR T.V. THEATRE
GEORGE comes round the corner, looking for RINGO, then grins and walks
past a sign saying "Canteen and Production Office Opposite." He comes
to the exit door, crosses to a modern building across from the theatre.
He enters [the] building.
65. INTERIOR OFFICE
It is the reception room that leads to an inner office. Behind a desk
sits a smart young woman typing busily as GEORGE enters. He is
surprised when he sees the girl; she looks up and speaks to him at
Oh, there you are!
Oh, I'm sorry, I must have made a mistake.
You haven't, you're just late.
(She rises and crossing
over to him examines
Oh, yes, he's going to be very pleased with
Yes, you're quite a feather in the cap.
(She crosses to the
desk and picks up the
Hello, I've got one ... oh, I think so ... yes,
he can talk ... Well ... I think you ought to
Of course, right away.
She crosses to the inter-office door. On the door is written SIMON
MARSHAL ... she opens it.
Well ... come on.
He follows her quickly in.
66. INTERIOR THE INNER OFFICE
A large room, part production office with models and sets, drawing
board with ground plans, the other part of the room a mixture of Pop
and Queen's magazine decor.
Behind a large desk sits SIMON MARSHAL, a bland but slightly irritable
young man of about thirty-five. He is wearing the ultimate in the
current smart set fashion. He is attended by a couple of underlings
ADRIAN and TONY and behind him on the wall is a poster of a girl.
Across the poster is printed, "Way Out, your own T.V. Special
with Susan Campey. Director, Simon Marshal."
Will this do, Simon?
(looking at George)
Not bad, dolly, not really bad.
(he motions to George)
Turn around, chicky baby.
GEORGE does so.
Oh yes, a definite poss. He'll look good
(he indicates the girl on the poster)
All right, Sunny Jim, this is all going to be
quite painless. Don't breathe on me, Adrian.
ADRIAN has recognised GEORGE and is trying to stop SIMON.
Look, I'm terribly sorry but I'm afraid there's
been some sort of a misunderstanding.
Oh, you can come off it with us. You don't have
to do the old adenoidal glottal stop and carry
on for our benefit.
I'm afraid I don't understand.
Oh, my God, he's a natural.
Well, I did tell them not to send us any more
They ought to know by now the phonies are much
easier to handle. Still he's a good type.
He now speaks to GEORGE in the loud voice that the English reserve for
foreigners and village idiots.
We want you to give us your opinion on some
clothes for teenagers.
Oh, by all means, I'd be quite prepared for
Well, not your real opinion, naturally. It'll
be written out and you'll learn it.
Can he read?
Of course I can.
I mean lines, ducky, can you handle lines?
I'll have a bash.
Good. Hart, get him whatever it is they drink,
Well, at least he's polite. Tony Show him the
A collection of shirts are produced and GEORGE looks at them. While he
is doing this SIMON briefs him.
Now, you'll like these. You really "dig" them.
They're "fab" and all the other pimply
I wouldn't be seen dead in them. They're dead
Make a note of that word and give it to Susan.
I think it's rather touching really. Here's
this kid trying to give me his utterly
valueless opinion when I know for a fact within
four weeks he'll be suffering from a violent
inferiority complex and loss of status if he
isn't wearing one of these nasty things. Of
course they're grotty, you wretched nit, that's
why they were designed, but that's what you'll
But I won't.
You can be replaced you know, chicky baby.
I don't care.
And that pose is out too, Sunny Jim. The new
thing is to care passionately, and be right
wing. Anyway, you won't meet Susan if you don't
And who's this Susan when she's at home?
(playing his ace)
Only Susan Campey, our resident teenager.
You'll have to love her. She's your symbol.
Oh, you mean that posh bird who gets
I beg your pardon?
Oh, yes, the lads frequently gather round the
T.V. set to watch her for a giggle. Once we
even all sat down and wrote these letters
saying how gear she was and all that rubbish.
She's a trend setter. It's her profession!
She's a drag. A well-known drag. We turn the
sound down on her and say rude things.
Get him out of here!!
Have I said something amiss?
Get him out of here. He's knocking the
The underlings hustle GEORGE to the door.
Sorry about the shirts.
He is ejected through the door.
Get him out.
(he stops in mid-shout)
You don't think he's a new phenomenon, do you?
You mean an early clue to the new direction?
(rummaging in his desk)
Where's the calendar?
(he finds it)
No, he's just a trouble maker. The change isn't
due for three weeks. All the same, make a note
not to extend Susan's contract. Let's not take
any unnecessary chances!
67. EXTERIOR STREET PUB ON THE CORNER
The sign on the pub is Liverpool Arms. RINGO is standing looking up at
it. He decides to go in and does so.
68. INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
The atmosphere is tense. GRANDFATHER is standing miserable in front of
the DIRECTOR, the criminal confronted by the judge. SHAKE and NORM are
flanking him grimly.
I'm sorry lads, I didn't mean it, honest.
If he says that again, I'll strike him.
They'll be back, they're good lads, they'll be
Yes? Well they've got only ten minutes to the
I meant no harm. I was only trying to encourage
little Ringo to enjoy himself.
God knows what you've unleashed on the
unsuspecting South. It'll be wine, women and
song all the way with Ringo once he's got the
taste for it.
69. INT. PUB PUBLIC BAR
CLOSE-UP on RINGO. He is eating a bone dry sandwich that curls up at
the end. He puts it down with disgust. He has a lager glass in his
That was fresh this morning.
We now see the pub is full of enormous cockney workmen downing pints.
RINGO is very much alone. He moves away from the bar towards a group
that is standing together, they've an average height of over six-foot.
There is a group at a dart board. Another group is playing bar skittles
and a third group is around a pin-ball table.
Near the bar is a shove-halfpenny board with two players. There is a
caged parrot nearby.
That'll be two and nine...
RINGO fumbles some change out of his pocket. A few coppers fall from
his hand on to the shove-halfpenny board just as the crucial point has
been made. The men glare at him. Embarrassed, he moves away and without
looking, places his glass on the skittles table just as a player swings
the string, which hits Ringo's glass. More embarrassed, RINGO backs
away, unfortunately into the pin-table just as a winning score is about
to be reached. He bumps it very slightly, but enough to cause it to
TILT. He then moves to the dart board. By this time most of the pub is
staring at him. With great style he takes the darts. The first throw
goes into a cheese sandwich which a man is pointing in demonstration.
The second we see arrive into a pint of bitter and then we see RINGO
shoot the third dart and hear the sound of the parrot shouting angrily,
off. The BARMAID has had enough.
Right ... On your way!
You heard, on your way, troublemaker!
Now the centre of attention, RINGO backs out of the pub, followed by
every eye in the place, the BARMAID and a few players following him to
the door ...
70. EXTERIOR STREET OUTSIDE PUB
RINGO comes out and crosses road, watched by the POLICEMAN who is now
71. EXTERIOR STREET
PAUL comes down the street looking about him for RINGO. In the street
is an old building, the sort of place that is highly favoured for TV
rehearsals. There is a sign on the door, "TV Rehearsal Room." As PAUL
draws near, a load of actors and extras, etc. are leaving, they are in
costume, they are the ones who earlier had been going to a word
rehearsal. When PAUL gets near the entrance he decides to go inside.
72. INTERIOR HALL
PAUL enters and wanders about. He reaches a door, pushes it open and
looks in. He sees a GIRL clad in period costume. She is moving around
the room and obviously acting. PAUL watches her for a moment and then
decides to go in.
73. INTERIOR REHEARSAL ROOM
PAUL goes into the room. The GIRL is in mid-flight. She is very young
and lovely and completely engrossed in what she is doing. The room is
absolutely empty except for PAUL and herself. She is acting in the
manner of an eighteenth-century coquette, or, to be precise, the voice
English actresses use when they think they are being true to the
costume period ... her youth however makes it all very charming.
If I believed you, sir, I might do those things
and walk those ways only to find myself on
Problem's Path. But I cannot believe you, and
all those urgings serve only as a proof that you
will lie and lie again to gain your purpose with
She dances lightly away from an imaginary lover and as she turns she
sees PAUL who is as engrossed in the scene as she was.
Well ... go 'head, do the next bit.
Go away! You've spoilt it.
Oh, sorry I spoke.
He makes no attempt to go. He simply continues to look steadily at the
girl; then he smiles at her. She is undecided what to do next.
Are you supposed to be here?
I've got you worried, haven't I?
I'm warning you, they'll be back in a minute.
D'you know something, "They" don't worry me at
all. Anyroad, I only fancy listening to you
... that's all but if it worries you ...
You're from Liverpool, aren't you?
How'd you guess?
Oh, it's the way you talk.
Is it ... is it, really?
Are you pulling my leg?
(looking her straight in the eye)
Something like that.
Do you like the play?
Yeah ... I mean, sure, well, I took it at
school but I only ever heard boys and masters
saying those lines, like, sounds different on a
(smiles to himself)
Yeah, it's gear on a girl.
Aye, the big hammer, smashing!
Don't mench ... well, why don't you give us a
few more lines, like?
You don't half slam the door in people's faces,
do you? I mean, what about when you're playing
the part, like, hundreds of people'll see you
I'm not ...
Oh, you're the understudy, sort of thing?
I'm a walk-on in a fancy dress scene. I just
felt like doing those lines.
Oh, I see. You are an actress though, aren't
Aye, I knew you were.
What's that mean?
Well, the way you were spouting, like ....
(he imitates her)
"I don't believe you, sir..." and all that.
Yeah, it was gear.
The big hammer?
Oh aye, a sledge.
But the way you did it then sounded so phony.
No ... I wouldn't say that ... just like an
actress ... you know.
He moves and stands about like an actress.
But that's not like a real person at all.
Aye well, actresses aren't like real people,
They ought to be.
Oh, I don't know, anyroad up, they never are,
What are you?
I'm in a group ... well ... there are four of
us, we play and sing.
I bet you don't sound like real people.
We do, you know. We sound like us having a ball.
Is it really fab or are you just saying that to
What of? Look, I wouldn't do it unless I was.
I'm dead lucky 'cos I get paid for doing
something I love doing.
He laughs and with a gesture takes in the whole studio
... all this and a jam butty too!!
I only enjoy acting for myself. I hate it when
other people are let in.
Why? I mean, which are you, scared or selfish?
Well, you've got to have people to taste your
She looks at him in surprise.
No, hang on, I've not gone daft. You see, when
I was little me mother let me make some treacle
toffee one time in our back scullery. When I'd
done she said to me, "Go and give some to the
other kids." So, I said I would but I thought
to meself, "She must think I'm soft." Anyroad,
I was eating away there but I wanted somebody
else to know how good it was so in the end I
wound up giving it all away ... but I didn't
mind, mind, 'cos I'd made the stuff in the
first place. Well ... that's why you need
other people... an audience ... to taste your
treacle toffee, like. Eh ... does that sound
as thickheaded to you as it does to me?
Not really but I'm probably not a toffee maker.
How would you do those lines of mine?
Well, look at it this way, I mean, when you
come right down to it, that girl, she's a bit
of a scrubber, isn't she?
Of course ... Look, if she was a Liverpool
(Paul starts acting a Liverpool girl,
he minces about then turns, extending
Eh, fella, you want to try pulling the other
one, it's got a full set of bells hanging off
it ... Y'what? ... I know your sort, two cokes
and a packet of cheese and onion crisps and
suddenly it's love and we're stopping in an
empty shop doorway. You're just after me body
and y'can't have it ... so there!!
And you honestly think that's what she meant?
Oh, definitely, it sticks out a mile, she's
trying to get him to marry her but he doesn't
want ... well ... I don't reckon any fella's
ever wanted to get married. But girls are
like that, clever and cunning. You've got to
Well, it's nice to know you think we're clever.
And what do you do about it?
Me? Oh, I don't have the time, I'm always
running about with the lads ... no, we don't
have the time.
(not noticing the invitation)
Aye, it is but as long as you get by, it's
all right, you know ... bash on, happy valley's
when they let you stop. Anyroad, I'd better
PAUL stands at the doorway, shrugs then goes out.
74. EXTERIOR STREET
In the street, workmen are collecting shovels, drinking tea and doing
all the things people do around building sites. RINGO mooches around.
In the road is a hole with a diameter of about 3 feet, and at least 6
feet deep. RINGO looks down and a man is busily working at the bottom
of the hole. He glares at RINGO. After a moment RINGO turns away. We
now see a very elegant young lady coming towards RINGO. She is daintily
avoiding a series of puddles. RINGO has an idea and does a Sir Walter
Raleigh with his large Mac spreading it over one of the puddles. The
girl walks across it smiling graciously. RINGO proceeds with the coat
to the next puddle and to the next backing gradually towards the hole.
At last he spreads the coat, without noticing what he is doing, over
the hole. The girl steps onto the coat and disappears sharply. RINGO
looks down the hole where the girl is held in the workman's arms. The
workman rises out of the manhole until he is waist height. At this
point an elegantly dressed gentleman appears (the girl's husband) he
looks at his wife in the workman's arms and hits the workman. RINGO
backs away through the puddles, and is nicked by the POLICEMAN.
[Scenes 75 and 76 deleted in revision.]
77. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE NEAR STAGE DOOR
The DIRECTOR is pacing up and down the corridor. NORM is also walking
up and down, SHAKE is leaning against the wall quite unconcerned. NORM
gives SHAKE a push.
Worry, will you!
SHAKE adjusts his features to a worrying expression.
Well, that's it, two minutes to the final
run-through... they're bound to miss it...
I'll murder that Lennon.
But I suppose we can survive a missed
run-through as long...
... as they head up for the show. Oh yes, well
I mean it'ud be a pity to miss the show,
wouldn't it like.
The horrible prospect hits the DIRECTOR.
You don't think...
They'll be here.
Oh now, they can't do that to me.
(turning on Norm)
It's all your fault.
Oh yes it is and if they don't turn up I
wouldn't be in your shoes for all the...
... tea in China. Oh you're right, neither
He steps away from NORM and stands near the DIRECTOR.
SHAKE nods his agreement to this assessment of his character.
At this moment JOHN, GEORGE and PAUL enter from the stage door. They
are completely unconcerned and walk past the DIRECTOR, SHAKE and NORM.
(as he passes by)
Hi, our lot!
The BOYS walk on when after a moment NORM snaps to.
Did you want something.
(beaming with delight)
I could eat the lot of you.
You'd look gear with an apple in your gob.
Do you realise you could have missed the final
Eh, there's only three of them.
Aye, we were looking for Ringo. But we realised
he must have come back.
Do you realise we are on the air, live, in
front of an audience, in forty-five minutes and
you're one short.
Control yourself or you'll spurt. He's bound to
Aye, let's try the dressing room.
Everyone starts along the passage. NORM and PAUL last.
Eh, where's my grandfather?
Don't worry about him. He can look after
Aye, I suppose so.
They run after the others.
78. EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE CLOSE-UP
Here they are, personally signed and
handwritten by your own sweet boys. The chance
of a lifetime. Be the envy of your less
The CAMERA PULLS back and we see GRANDFATHER is surrounded by girls who
have broken from the queue and are doing a brisk trade with the old
man. He has a large sign on which is written: "Get your genuine
autographed Beatles photographs." On the edge of the crowd two
POLICEMEN are trying to force the girls back into the queue. Finally
they wade through the girls and confront GRANDFATHER. They look at the
old man quizzically; he stares back coldly. They indicate he should hop
it and quick but GRANDFATHER defiantly glares back at them. So with a
sigh, they grab an arm each and escort the old man off.
79. INTERIOR POLICE STATION
It is the reception desk and behind it is the DESK SERGEANT. After a
moment RINGO is dragged in by the POLICEMAN we saw him with before.
Look, I'm Ringo Starr... I've got a show to do
in a few minutes you've got to let me go... I'm
Sure, they all say that these days ... Anyway
... I don't care who you are... you can save
that for the stipendary. Here you are, Sarge.
What is he?
(reeling off the list)
I've got a little list here. Wandering abroad.
Malicious intent. Acting in a suspicious manner.
Conduct liable to cause a breach of the peace.
You name it, he's done it.
Oh, a little savage, is he?
A proper Aborigine.
(on his dignity)
I demand to see me solicitor.
What's his name?
Oh, well if you're going to get technical --
At that moment there is a loud series of noises off camera, furious
shouting and dull crashes of wood.
Hello, it's going to be one of those nights, is
Sit Charley Peace down over there.
The POLICEMAN takes RINGO to a bench and sits him down as GRANDFATHER
and the two POLICEMEN who were with him enter. The sign is tattered
and is being lugged after them.
Well, you got me here so do your worst but I'll
take one of you with me.
(kicks the nearest policeman)
Oh, I know your game, get me in the tiled room
and out come the rubber hoses but I'll defy you
Is there a fire, then?
GRANDFATHER leans across the desk and hisses at the SERGEANT.
You ugly, great brute you, you have sadism
stamped all over your bloated British kisser.
I'll go on a hunger strike. I know your caper.
The kidney punch and the rabbit-clout. The
third degree and the size twelve boot
What's he on about?
I'm soldier of the Republic, you'll need the
mahogany truncheon for this boyo. A nation once
Get Lloyd George over there with that mechanic
in the cloth cap while I sort this lot out.
The POLICEMEN hurtle GRANDFATHER firmly but gently over to the bench on
which RINGO is sitting and then return to the desk for a whispered
conference with the SERGEANT. Meanwhile in full conspiratorial fashion
GRANDFATHER talks to RINGO out of the side of his mouth.
Ringo, me old scout, they grabbed yer leg for
the iron too, did they?
Well I'm not exactly a voluntary patient.
Shush! Have they roughed you up yet?
Keep your voice down, this lot'll paste you,
just for the exercise. Oh they're a desperate
crew of drippings and they've fists like
matured hams for pounding defenceless lads like
That sergeant's a body-blow veteran if ever I
measured one. One of us has got to escape. I'll
get the boys. Hold on son, I'll be back for you.
And if they get you on the floor watch out for
Oh, they seem all right to me.
That's what they want you to think. All coppers
Would you two like a cup of tea?
You see, sly villains.
No thanks, Mr. Sergeant, sir.
We now have a CLOSE SHOT of POLICEMEN around the sergeant's desk.
So you just brought the old chap out of the
crowd for his own good.
Yeah, but he insisted on us bringing him to the
Well, he can't stop here.
Shot of GRANDFATHER watching POLICEMEN intently and muttering words as
What are you doing?
What are they saying?
The POLICEMEN make a move towards GRANDFATHER and RINGO.
Well son, it's now or never.
He jumps to his feet and scurries towards the door.
All right, you paid assassins. Johnny
McCartney'll give you a run for your threepence
He dashes out of the door followed by the POLICEMAN who has his pile of
Now, what's he up to?
He's allergic to Bobbies, especially English
The POLICEMAN with the photos returns.
Your man disappeared like a leveret over a hill.
The POLICEMEN turn on RINGO and walk towards him.
80. EXTERIOR STREET
GRANDFATHER is running at top speed down the street. He is breathing
heavily and runs as if pursued by the hounds of hell. The street
however is entirely empty and no one is even in sight. As he reaches
the top of the street he pauses and turning, looks around him. From his
P.O.V. we see just how empty the street is and heaving a sigh of relief
GRANDFATHER cackles to himself. His triumph is short lived. At this
precise moment down the street comes a parade of police vehicles, a
Black Maria, an escorting police motor bike patrol and an ordinary
squad car. The procession draws up and the street is full of policemen
getting out of the Black Maria and squad car and off motor bikes.
CLOSE-UP GRANDFATHER's horrified face.
Be God, they've called up reinforcements, the
He dashes off wildly in the general direction of the theatre. He has
been completely unnoticed by the policemen who are lining up for a last
minute inspection by the inspector in charge. The inspector is like a
commander-in-chief of a spear-head attack force.
They smartly march off in the direction taken by GRANDFATHER.
81. INTERIOR T.V. THEATRE CONTROL ROOM
(watching the clock)
Only half an hour and you're on!
Can I say something?
The director clutches at any straw.
It's highly unlikely we'll be on... I mean the
law of averages are against you and it seems
that, etc., etc....
But his speech is drowned by the pitiful moans of the DIRECTOR.
82. EXTERIOR T.V. THEATRE STAGE DOOR
The four little boys from the canal are being driven away by the
(going back into theatre)
I'll have the hides off of you lot.
The kids retreat as GRANDFATHER pants into shot, ignoring the kids he
enters the stage door but in a second he is out again, grasped firmly
by the collar by the security guard.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Go home!
I must see Pauly.
Go home then and see him on the telly.
The GUARD re-enters the stage door.
GRANDFATHER looks around him and sees the four kids. He hustles over
and after a whispered conference we hear his offer.
Can you fix him for me?
GRANDFATHER is about to argue.
Oh, all right.
And in advance.
But he hands over the money. The kids rush in the stage door and after
a moment the furious GUARD chases them out and down the alley.
GRANDFATHER, chuckling, nips in the door.
83. INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM ON STAGE
GRANDFATHER is being chased by several studio attendants; he is dodging
behind equipment. He finally gets on a sound boom trolley and uses it
as a weapon to keep his pursuers at bay.
84. INTERIOR T.V. CONTROL ROOM
The DIRECTOR, BOYS, and NORM and SHAKE see GRANDFATHER on the monitors.
They dash out of the room and on to the stage.
It's all right, leave him alone.
Grandad, where's Ringo?
The police have the poor unfortunate lad in the
The police station.
He'll be pulp by now.
What are we waiting for?
PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE rush off.
We've only got twenty minutes.
85. EXTERIOR STREET OUTSIDE POLICE STATION
PAUL, JOHN and GEORGE come running down the street in single file,
their knees high in the air, they skid to a halt at the police station
and without pausing they dash inside. After a moment they reappear --
only this time RINGO is behind them. They dash off down the street.
They are followed at once by ten POLICEMEN also in single file. They
are also pounding along knees high in the air. The BOYS and the coppers
disappear around the corner. At once, they reappear from the other
direction, then run down the street still followed by the policemen.
When they reach the police station another group of police bars their
way so they are forced to run up the stairs and inside.
86. INTERIOR POLICE STATION
The DESK SERGEANT is standing behind his desk looking very surprised.
At this moment the boys run in and stand panting in front of the desk.
Before the SERGEANT can start speaking the pursuing POLICEMEN arrive.
They, too, are out of breath.
What is all this?
(heaving and panting)
Hold on until we get our breath.
The BOYS and POLICEMEN pant on until JOHN seems to have recovered.
All right now?
The BOYS nod and without further ado they turn and run through the
surprised rank of POLICEMEN and out into the street.
87. EXTERIOR STREET
THE CHASE CARRIES ON.
Shots of BOYS being pursued (still in single file) by police, including
the sergeant with one shot where the BOYS are chasing the POLICEMEN.
Finally, as they approach the theatre, they are seen by the girl fans
who swarm around the police, over running them. The boys grin to each
other and are about to make off when from their P.O.V. we see the
INSPECTOR and POLICEMEN blocking it.
Ah well, it was worth a try.
(calling to Sergeant)
What do you think you're up to?
Arrest those boys, sir.
That's all we need to start a real riot!
Come on lads, they're waiting for you.
### INTERIOR THEATRE BACKSTAGE
The Inspector now hustles the BOYS through the crowds and in through
the main entrance of the theatre where SHAKE and NORM are waiting. NORM
looks suspiciously at RINGO who is still wearing his cap. RINGO whips
it off and NORM delightedly hugs him. The BOYS dash through the stalls
entrance and on stage. The DIRECTOR sees them and bursts into tears
with relief. NORM hustles the lads into the wings to be changed into
their show costumes. All around them last-minute preparations are going
Boys, you don't know what this means to me. If
you hadn't come back it would have been the
epilogue or the news in Welsh for life.
Aren't you supposed to be in that box?
The DIRECTOR gives NORM a final glare and dashes off.
And another thing, where's that old mixer?
And sitting on a box sadly chastened sits GRANDFATHER.
Well, I got a few things to say to you,
two-faced John McCartney.
Aw, leave him alone Paul, he's back, isn't he?
And it's not his fault he's old.
What's old got to do with it?
You needn't bother.
Practising to be thick-headed, you're there
Look he's a mixer and a trouble maker!
That's right, but he's only asking us to pay
attention to him, aren't you?
From JOHN's P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER. He looks what he is, a tired old
You know your trouble -- you should have gone
West to America. You'd have wound up a Senior
Citizen of Boston. As it is you took the wrong
turning and what happened, you're a lonely old
man from Liverpool.
But I'm clean.
The BOYS giggle and slap him on the back.
88. INTERIOR TV THEATRE AUDITORIUM
We see the audience of girls streaming in and settling down in their
places for the show. There is the usual business of getting the show
ready and we see SHOTS of the girls' faces, then JOHN, PAUL, RINGO and
GEORGE looking at them. At last on cue from the floor manager the BOYS
start their act to the audience's screams. During the number we
constantly CUT away to the audience with various SHOTS of the ecstatic
girls. In the middle of these shots we see NORM standing at the side of
the audience his face glowing with satisfaction. We follow his gaze and
from NORM'S P.O.V. we see GRANDFATHER handcuffed to SHAKE, but in spite
of this, the old man is enjoying himself. The BOYS now perform a medley
of numbers, i.e., a little of all the songs we have heard during the
story. This gives the impression of a full set and we finish after
their bows. While they are doing so they look again in the general
direction of SHAKE and GRANDFATHER and from their P.O.V., we see SHAKE
is beating time to the music but from his wrist dangles an empty set of
handcuffs. GRANDFATHER has gone again. As the BOYS are reacting to
GRANDFATHER's disappearance once again, the trap door on the stage
opens and GRANDFATHER appears in the centre of the group as they finish
their act and take their final bows.
89. INTERIOR STUDIO CORRIDOR
NORM is waiting for the boys. With him are two studio attendants
carrying the boys' luggage. As the BOYS excitedly appear he speaks to
I've got the stuff. Come here.
Aren't we ...
No, we're not!
He hurries them along.
The office was on the phone, they think it'd be
better if we pushed straight to Wolverhampton.
Tonight? We can't make it ...
You've got a midnight matinee.
Now, look here, Norm ...
No, you look here, John. I've only one thing to
say to you.
You're a swine. So hurry up ... we're
NORM turns down a side exit where the door is open to the field. In it
is an eight-passenger helicopter.
90. EXTERIOR STAGE DOOR T.V. THEATRE
The BOYS and NORM come out of the building and start to run towards
(looking behind him)
Where's my grandfather?
(arriving at helicopter door)
Don't start. Look.
The boys look in the passenger bay and there is GRANDFATHER. He is
still handcuffed to SHAKE but clutching his pile of photos.
(beckoning them in with his
free hand which holds the photos)
Come on, you're hanging up the parade.
The boys shout "Get rid of those things, etc."
91. EXTERIOR FIELD
The final shot is of the helicopter rising up (SHOT FROM BELOW). As it
disappears, a shower of photos come from its window.
We cut to a CLOSE-UP of one signed photo as it hits the ground and
SUPER the closing credits over it.
Screenplay by Alun Owen